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Domestic violence comes in different shapes – whether it is physical, verbal or psychological, domestic violence is a destructive and malicious type of behavior in every respect. Perhaps the best way to deal with domestic abuse is to avoid getting into such situation altogether. Foreseeing how things are going to unroll is never easy, but there are many telltale signs which signal that something very wrong is going on in your relationship. All in all, the sooner you break away from an abusive person the better, don’t waste time and don’t think the situation will improve – it never does.
Most people rarely show the mean and destructive sides of their personality early in a relationship. Usually things gradually escalate and eventually spiral out of control. The sooner you take notice of the following signs and signals, the more chance you have to get away relatively unscathed.
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1. The Emotional Vampire
Domestic abuse doesn’t necessarily involve physical violence, psychological and emotional tormenting is just as bad and likely to end in disaster too.
If you feel like a worthless, foolish and unpretty person around your partner, and you are being made aware of it constantly – this is equivalent to a psychological and emotional abuse. You should not tolerate such behaviour or indulge into a devastating relationship that undermines your self-esteem.
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2. The Control Freak
Displays of overly dominant, possessive behavior are a strong indicator that your partner is likely to be hyper jealous, and develop a sense of ownership over you and your life. Thus, you should closely observe how your partner reacts, behaves and carries himself around other women as well as men. Don’t fall victim to a control freak.
Control attempts can be on a sexual, emotional, financial and psychological basis – the moment your partner starts making all the rules, the moment you should start packing your bags.
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3. The Space Usurper
Abusive behavior at home might also show in the form of restrictiveness – or severing connections with people who can potentially help you like family and friends. Break right out of there if your partner is banning you from seeing friends and family members.
4. The Drug Or Alcohol Dependent
Substance abuse is a big problem for many people. Recreational use often escalates into an addiction. Don’t ignore it in a blind hope that this is only a temporary thing and that with time you would be able to change it.
5. The Chronically Angry Type
Take note of how your arguments unfold. If every little disagreement ends up being a massive fight, where threats are made, warnings are issued, or to the extent where hands are raised, then you definitely have a problem. Do not overlook it because it could cause a serious gap between you too in the long run.
The constant tension of being always careful what you say would make you unable to share openly your thoughts, which eventually will lead to you two becoming absolute strangers who are just living under the same roof.
6. The Physical Threat
Physical violence is never OK. Don’t forget that abusive partners use physical violence as means of control, terror and to impose submission.
Hurting someone physically is one’s own choice – ‘you made me do it’ type of comment shows how fundamentally wrong one’s perceptions of life might be, and how much trouble you are in. Get out of there as soon as you possibly can, be strong and even report the situation to the authorities.
7. The Hasty “I–Want-It-All”
Your partner is practically forcing you into a fast moving relationship.
On one hand your partner shows a sign of disrespect for your feelings when he rushes you into wearing matching T-shirts, moving in to a mutual home, or even marrying one another. On the other hand your partner might be just looking for a proper way to express his appreciation for you.
8. The Perfectionist
Your loved one demands that you excel at everything. Being the perfect wife that cooks while wearing flawless makeup, cleans the house while on heels and goes to the nearby shop with the perfect hairdo – all these could be a nuisance and absolutely impossible to achieve.
If your partner wants you to be perfect in every aspect of your life, you should consider whether he is doing this for your own good or he prefers to have a Stepford wife to attend to his each and every need.
9. The Ultimate Victim
Is your partner ready to admit his mistakes? Some people are convinced that they are always the victim in a given situation. Whether they complain about their boss, friend, or mother – they never seem to think that they have done anything wrong.
While your partner is still blaming the random passerby for his own misfortunes today, it might be you whom he will hold responsible for his problems tomorrow.
There are many other signs that hint of the fact that you may be walking on thin ice with your partner. Every relationship hides different challenges, however it is you who should draw the final line and admit what attitude you should compromise with and what behaviour you should refrain from tolerating altogether.
We all strive for a healthy and lasting relationship. However, not every relationship has the potential to grow into such. The truth is that time is scarce enough to waste it on wrong aspirations even when facing with the solid proof of the fact that we are going the wrong direction.
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Guest post by Natalie Goodale, a freelance writer who loves discussing relationship topics, traveling adventures and music. She is involved in a number of projects, the most recent of which being a common effort with The Law Offices of Steven J. Glaros (http://glaroslaw.com/domestic-violence.html)