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While all relationships are unique unto themselves, there is one thing that seems to be found in all of them – arguments. All couples argue occasionally, and it is their ability to recover from and get over arguments that often dictates how well, as well as how long, the relationship last.
Following are some of our best tips on dealing with arguments the best way, so you can help your relationship weather the occasional “storm”.
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1. Find The Root Of The Argument
It’s important to understand what it is that you’re really arguing about. While on the surface you might think you’re arguing over what color to paint the kitchen or who will pick up your teen from football practice. But if you really think about it you may find that there’s a deeper reason for your anger that is expressing itself through the argument.
It could be that you may be angry about a previous disappointment, or you could be replaying issues from childhood. While sometimes an argument is just plain silly, it can help to find out if there are any deeper root issues that need to be dealt with.
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2. Explain How You Feel In One Simple Sentence
Now that you know what is at the root of the argument, you can express what you’re feeling in one sentence so that it is clearly understood and can be resolved.
For example, you might say “I feel scared about our finances when you spend money without talking about it first,” or “I feel unattractive when I see you talking to other women.”
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3. Apologize, Even If It’s Not Your Fault
You may feel like you didn’t do anything wrong or that you aren’t the one that “started” the argument, but apologizing can be a great way to get the argument over quickly.
You don’t even need to apologize for anything you’ve been blamed for; it can be as simple as saying “I’m sorry this argument has gotten out of control. Why don’t we chill out for a while and try to talk about it again when we both are more relaxed?”
Doing so can take the heat out of the argument and leaves the door open for your partner to apologize also, which can help you resolve the issue quickly.
4. Talk It Out Calmly
After you and your partner have had time to calm down, you’ll be more able to sit and discuss the argument and the feelings it brought in a more responsible manner, without all the yelling and accusations.
Taking turns, let each person have five uninterrupted minutes to give their side of the situation and why they feel the way they do. This way, you can get back to the real issue without getting embroiled in a new argument.
5. Let The Argument Teach You Something
Do you often feel like you’re repeating the same tired arguments?
That’s where finding the root cause can help. Figure out what is behind the arguments so that you can resolve the issues that are driving them.
6. Forget About Who’s Right And Who’s Wrong
If you enter a discussion determined to prove you’re right, you might as well just get prepared for an all out argument. Forget about proving you’re right – even when you’re sure of it. And if it starts getting heated, back out and cool off before continuing the discussion.
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