You probably have a few beliefs about relationships that just aren’t true, and they may well be hurting your relationship. The reason for this is that if you believe something should be true of all relationships, and it isn’t true of yours, it creates feelings of frustration that slowly erode your relationship.
The 5 myths below are the some of the most common relationship myths, and, therefore, the ones that most urgently need to be debunked.
Myth #1: Good relationships require no effort.
The Truth: On the contrary – the more hard work and effort you put into your relationship, the more likely it is to endure and stay strong. Like a flower garden, a relationship is a source of pleasure, happiness, and beauty, but if you neglect to care for it, it will wither and die.
Myth #2: Two people who are in true love will never lose their passion for each other.
The Truth: The popularity of this myth is largely due to the popularity of romantic novels and movies. The stories they tell imply that in relationships where there is true love, the passion never fades. If it does, then either the relationship is in trouble or the people in it aren’t right for each other.
This is simply not true. Passion gradually fades in every relationship. When couples get into a daily routine, and when they acquire increased responsibilities and expanded roles, the amounts of energy and time they can devote to each other decrease.
When this happens, don’t think that the passion is gone forever. You can bring it back with a little planning and a few spontaneous moments of playfulness.
Myth #3: If you truly love your partner, you’re always aware of his or her feelings and needs?
The Truth: Oh, really? Did you develop mind-reading powers at the same time as you were falling in love? If you think your partner will automatically know every want, desire, and feeling you have, you’re basically assuming that your partner has developed them.
As children, we develop the expectation that the people in our lives will know all our needs and feelings based on the fact that our parents seem to know them. However, as adults, we need to understand that communicating those things to others is our responsibility.
It’s better to gauge the quality of a relationship by how carefully your partner listens and responds to your feelings and needs when you do communicate them.
Myth #4: If one partner is jealous, it means he or she truly loves and cares for the other.
The Truth: Jealousy has much more to do with the person’s security and confidence in him/herself and his/her relationship (or lack of security and confidence!) than with love or caring.
You may have tried to assuage your partner’s feelings of jealousy by demonstrating how much you care for them. If you’ve done that, you may have realized that no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop them from having jealous reactions.
You can’t improve your partner’s self-confidence or feelings of security through your efforts alone. Your partner must confront those issues him- or herself. Of course, you should still be supportive while he/she does so.
Myth #5: Any relationship can be ruined by a fight.
The Truth: It’s not the fight itself that can ruin your relationship – it’s failure to resolve the conflict and make up afterward that can.
Fights are a form of communication that can actually be healthy, because they allow the real truth to come out.
What kind of fight you have also makes a difference. Fights in which one or both partners are condescending, scornful, or nasty toward the other, end without a resolution, and prevent both partners from speaking to each other for days on end do cause real damage to relationships.
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